I live in my brain. There’s running commentary 24/7, visuals both realistic and magical, thoughts, questions, images, memories constantly on loop always. This exhausts me, which is one of the reasons why I started writing. It was (is?) a place for me to take everything happening in there and put it somewhere else so I could stop thinking about it. It’s kind of like when you have an ear worm, that song that you can’t get out of your head and as soon as you listen to it, you’re good, and it’s gone. That’s what writing does for me. And yet, I hardly write. It’s always a battle for me to actually go from thoughts to words on a page. I hate to use psychology jargon as a scape goat but it feels a bit like self sabotage. I’ve identified the “problem”, I’ve found a healthy way to deal with the “problem” but I refuse to do it.
I’ve noticed this trend in other areas of my life.
I’m really great at identifying and acknowledging the thing, whatever it is. I’m also really great at finding solutions. But somehow my brain stops there. The next step, one might say the most important aspect, putting it all into action, I can’t seem to do. Full freeze. It’s like my brain goes, “Okay I’ve done enough work figuring out what the problem was and finding a solution, someone else needs to implement this, not me!” Is it laziness? Is it exhaustion? Is it fear of failure? Is it learnt behaviour? Is it entitlement? Is it all and none of the above?
I’m curious if anyone else has noticed this in themselves and how you’ve dealt with it. Or maybe as an outsider you may have a different viewpoint. Share your thoughts in the comments please. (And thanks for reading my ramblings 🙂)