For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved love. People who know me know me, know of my obsession with hearts. People who don’t really know me may find this hard to believe but that’s life. I also really love holidays or special days to celebrate a specific thing. For my Virgo and sometimes too logical brain, it’s the world giving me permission to be extra, or focus on something fun and exciting. Valentine’s Day has always been my day to celebrate love. I remember going to Long Circular Mall to buy chocolates for my friend to give to her boyfriend…in Primary School! I have always been 100% down for the cause. In college, I met my “wifey” aka my closest friend away from home and we shared an obsession of heart-shaped things and Valentine’s Day which we fondly referred to as S.A.D. (Singles’ Awareness Day). I grew up with my mother as my Valentine. I would always wake up or come home to a greeting card and teddy bears or chocolate, some physical expression of love. I guess the day was an excuse for her in a way too. All this is my way of setting the scene before the contrasting reality that is Valentine’s day today.
I’ve become this cynical shell of a human, incapable of celebrating one of my favourite days of the year. When did this happen? When did life and all of its shittiness warp me into this version of myself? I’m selling some cards I designed 3 years ago, and I remember how I excited I was to combine Carnival and Valentine’s, how happy looking at the cards made me and thinking of how special the people receiving them would feel. Now when I look at them, I feel nothing. Is this what growing up is? The inability to enjoy things that once brought you so much joy? Is this what life is?
I am sort of heartbroken today. I was so excited when client edits came in and I had work to focus on so the day would go by a bit faster.
So in a mad attempt to redeem the last 6 hours of this day, using one of my languages of love, here’s a playlist of my top 10 favourite love songs (in this moment, because let’s be honest, this list is constantly changing).
Happy Valentine’s Day!